Aysha Siddiqui

The Bell

the ring of the bell,

you know you must answer the call,

but the comfort of the bed holds you in, holds you back, makes your skin crawl,

glued in place, ill at ease, unhappy but getting warm,

but now your bed is infuriating, disgusting, weakness to break out of,

run away but to no avail,

because now the bell is gone and the bed has gone cold

Listen to your breath and sit in shame

The Price of Freedom

Cut off every tether!

And alone you float free

Higher and higher, perhaps a place superior

To a spot unknown, until no face is familiar

Now it's getting colder, floating in pleasure but alone forever

The weight of someone else’s dreams

The edges of my vision slip

away, blinded by light, ears ringing, knees giving

away, my body screams I must get

away, as the walls cave in I grapple at them,

for support or to push them

away, I don’t know

Trying to gauge where I am but I don’t care all I see is that light ahead,

I must get there my body screams, this weakness must be shed,

Desperation clings onto me like the wet clothes that weigh me down,

I crawl I must get away, but exhaustion pulls me back, the ground claims me, my clothes drown me,

the light blinds me (why do I want to go there again?)

The silence screams at me, all I hear is my muddled tired breath,

The last deathly step takes me through the light

I expect to be transformed, made anew

But instead exhaustion pulls me down once more,

The edges of my vision slip

away, blinded by light, Ears ringing, knees giving

away, my mind screams I've gotten

away, but my body doesn’t care it’s back where it started, it’s give in

The light was a dream of someone else, not the girl that lays in it now fallen


I hold on to my rituals

And keep the rage at bay

The melancholy and solitude

That creep in unbidden

All those things that lurk hidden

Beneath the surface in slow circles

Waiting for a crack in the ice to rise

And swallow me whole

The Nature of Joy

Joy seems to bubble out of my skin

Rippling under like water

Waiting for a stone to fall

Break the surface and splash

Droplets of joy spilling around

As I gather them back in

Hoping to be a large enough force

to hold it all

enough for them to gather back to

And not all splash away until there's nothing left


Am I running out of words

Metaphors, similes, comparisons that delight

Clever combinations of pretty letters

Are there enough for a lifetime

Will I use them all up at once?

Is there a reserve that's running out

Im spilling out too fast until nothings left

Chipping away what I've got

Or it it a sharpening of a knife,

The little slivers that fall only making me better


Sitting on the sidelines

A wallflower watching

A fly on a window

A moth on a lampshade

Stomach grumbling passing by a bakery

Fingers itching by a paintbrush

Eye twitching watching her dance

As my Foot taps to the music under the table

Indecision haunts me

Insecurity swallows what's left

Now I want to snatch greedily at every opportunity

And devour life itself lest it gets away again


My heart pulls out of me

About to fall out

My mind screams at me

Trying to break free of the bones that hold them in

They all protest moving to the edges of my existence

They cling to the memories that won't die

But the memories are a cruel lie

Nostalgia the rose tinted glasses

The sadness was not my home

It was a cruel cage

The marks on my skin will fade

And I will never replace them


And it strikes me only when I'm aware

Like in bed in the middle of the night

Or laying in the grass watching it grow,

Sipping my tea observing strangers

All I know is it's always a welcome surprise

I scribble the words into my notebook

Hoping the small markings becomes something larger


And it only strikes

when I'm unaware. Unbidden,

But welcome surprise


You pass by

Trying to hold in

The jealousy in my heart

Trying to stop

It from spilling out

Of my eyes and drowning you


Standing face to face

A warped reflection

Twisting and turned

Loud and unfamiliar

It reads me with it's twisted eyes

I stand still

Hoping for its satisfaction


Pools of warped liquid

Swirl below and lurch

Up unexpectedly

It hurts when a ghost of a splash

Echoes near my face


Your hand slipped away from mine

But I can still feel its warmth linger

Lasting longer than you did

The indentions of you palm that fit so perfectly in mine (or did they?)

I look back

there's no one there, But I'm only human so I check again

My memories turn you into an angel

A saint blameless, that leaves me the stone-hearted witch

But Memory is a cruel trickster

Life is better remembered than lived

Nostalgia is an evil lie